Back to the Beginning
by theperksofbeingacharlie
Summary: Charlie takes back saying that the last letter was actually his last, and writes to his "friend" again.
1. Chapter 1

Dear friend,

I know I said a lot of things about my last letter, and how it really was my last letter. But so much has happened and there hasn't really been anyone to tell them to because I can't bring myself to bother Sam and Patrick on the weekends when they come home from college. I told Sam about this and what she said made me feel really good. "Charlie, we all have our own stories because we've been away for a whole week. Just because we're coming home from college doesn't make any difference from you taking a weekend break from High School. Okay?"

She made me feel better about it but I still didn't tell her because then that would've made it seem like I wanted her to tell me like it was okay and I didn't. I just preferred hearing about college than telling her about High School because she told her stories better and because her stories were more exciting than mine were.

Anyway. What has happened, is that I've made a few friends that aren't anything like Sam and Patrick but I've learned not to make comparisons when I realized that they didn't appreciate music and things like that as much as Sam, Patrick, and I did as a group. They appreciated it in a way that they could relate to it and that's fine. It just made me feel empty or weird somehow like I had been listening to my songs with the wrong pair of ears.

So I've tried listening to the songs that I used to love and using their ears instead. I imagined just relating to them and then I got really sad, and I cried because Asleep by the Smiths is probably the most depressing song to relate back to and it made me wonder what the song was really about and if the singer wrote it with hands that appreciated music or hands that related to music or if there were other different kinds of hands.

I've written enough and it's really late here. I have school in the morning.

Incidentally, Sam called me yesterday and I think we might be dating because of what happened before she left. She arranged a date at the Big Boy and everything. I'm excited but also sort of nervous because I still feel the same about her as I did when we first met.

Love always,

Charlie.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear friend,

My new friends that I told you about in my last letter introduced me to a song that I hadn't heard. I don't know if you still care about the music I care about or not so I'm not telling you to listen to it. The song is called "Boats & Birds" by Gregory and the Hawk. I've probably listened to it about thirty times now. I'm not kidding. I really do love it that much.

Incidentally, despite being shown a new song and relating to my friends with those songs, I felt strange. It's the first time in a while that I've felt strange and I just hope that it's not getting bad again because I don't think I can handle it. I mean that. I thought that I had washed away all of the bad memories of my Aunt Helen but my Mom told me that she's been able to tell when it's bothering me even subconsciously. I don't know how she can tell that because even I can't.

Oh, and I went on my "date" with Sam tonight and it was wonderful when we were at Big Boy because she looked beautiful and I still couldn't believe I was sitting across from my "Something" girl. She looked so beautiful that I felt like her skin was made of a magnet and my whole body was metal. But it wasn't, but I felt like that. I thought that was odd, but she didn't seem to mind me being nervous because her skin was a magnet.

She had to go home early on the date because we had burgers at Big Boy and then stopped by the public fair, which is on the same street, and she insisted on going on the roller coaster and she did but she didn't enjoy the burgers so much then if you know what I mean. I offered to take her home but she said she felt really bad so she just went by herself. I think she felt bad for doing that, but it wasn't her fault so I didn't really mind.

By home, I mean back at home with her parents. That's where she's been this weekend because she's home from college. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that already but you may have gotten lost.

Incidentally, I still feel the same about Sam. She reminded me that she loved me today. I can't believe she thought I'd forgotten.

Love always,

Charlie.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear friend,

Something bad happened today. Something really bad. I thought a lot about my Aunt Helen and I told Sam about it but she went away to college and now I feel like I'm really alone. It's a scary feeling, it really is. I know I said that I was okay with everything but I just have this weird feeling like the people that I love the most only care about me because I was something new. But I'm not really all that exciting and all these people have all of these memories that they made before we met and I don't have anything. Nothing apart from my Aunt Helen, that is.

Anyway, all that just built up. It made me feel really bad. Not a bad that's okay but a bad that's actually worse than it is.

I know what my Aunt Helen did was awful, but maybe it's not _as_ awful as I've made it out to be to my family and my doctors.

I talked to my sister about this and she said that she knew that it actually was bad, but I think she was just being nice. So, I shut up about Aunt Helen. We were sitting in my room listening to that song by the Smiths that I told you about before and it was really late but she was in there anyway and I think that made me feel like she actually likes me.

"Charlie?"

"Yes?"

"Something's on your mind. I can tell it. What's the matter?" She rolled her eyes like she was fed up but all I'd said was yes. "Is this about Aunt Helen?"

"Yes."

"And about Sam?"

"Yes."

"And about Patrick?"

"Yes."

"They're away." She said this like it was obvious, or that I was happy that Aunt Helen was dead and maybe I was a little bit but that doesn't mean that it's something great that she _is_ dead.

"I know."

"So?"

"So, I feel like they didn't actually care about me."

"But, Charlie. I thought Sam was your girlfriend."

"Yes."

"Yes, she's your girlfriend?"

"Uh-huh."

"Then, I don't get it. She loves you, obviously." She adjusted herself on my bed and it occurred to me she must've been wearing some sort of perfume because she smelled really pretty. "Charlie. Sam spent time with you and that's great. If she's your girlfriend, she likes you. You two went on a date while she was here and you had a good time, right? You went out. I saw you."

"Yes, we went out."

"Okay, then she thinks you're cool."

"She thinks I'm a wallflower."

"She thinks you're cool."

"Okay."

And that was it. I think it was somehow reassuring but the way she said it made me feel really weird.

Maybe Sam thinks I'm cool.

But I couldn't help but think that sounded really not all that affectionate. Cool. I think Sam's beautiful and she's unlike all the other girls that I've met. She has character and personality and she's alive and I'm in love with her more than just the fact that she's cool. Of course she's cool but that's just not a good word for her. She's _incredible_. She's _vivid_ and glowing. I just love her and I think she loves me, too.

I think she thinks I'm cool and I guess that's enough for me.

I'm thinking too much.

Love always,

Charlie.


End file.
